Country Rose Corner

The final first	19:58
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I havent written anything for years now since I lost my dog Max as there have been too many losses. Lost my brother Bill on 6th August 2018 when my son Damon found him on a hot summer morning asleep on top of his bed, fan on, in his birthday suit. Not asleep, but passed away. Peacefully. He had suffered for a few years, been hospitalised for many many weeks, coma. But we thought he was improving. It was a terrible shock for my Damon, who loved his uncle and looked after him. On 6th August 2020, myself and Damon saw each other alive for the last time, celebrating my brothers life and death. One of the last things Damon said to me before going home was dont cry mum, wouldnt we all like to have a peaceful death like that, in our sleep. Little did I know that two days later myself and daughter Kate would find my darling boy the same, a hot August day, fan on, laying asleep on his bed, in his birthday suit, but not asleep. It was an agonising two weeks because of the deaths with corona virus that the coroner did a post mortem and my boy died of a blood clot in his heart, death instantaneous the coroner told me, so no suffering.

Damon had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, but not cancerous, an acoustic neuroma, which effected his sight and hearing and made him very fatigued. But Kings were pleased it wasnt growing. But if only I had realised that his fatigue could have been heart related, like my brother, and myself and our mother, then maybe we could have saved him. But that awful corona got in the way and stopped many of us going to doctors and seeking help.

I thought the death of mum, then dad, then my brother which I felt much more than mum and dad. But nothing can prepare you for the death of your child. Damon wasnt a baby, I had him for 48 years 1 month and 1 day. But it wasnt enough. It will never be enough.

Tomorrow 7th September 2021 is the last of the firsts. It was the last day I saw my darling boy, not alive, but in his coffin, and then his funeral and cremation. I had my first christmas without him, then New Year, then Mothers Day, then my birthday, then what would have been his 49th birthday on 7th July 2021, then his first anniversary of his death 8th August 2021.

This is the last of the Firsts. But I know it wont get any better.

	21:35
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I lost my dear old boy Max on September 22nd, 10 months after dad passed. Max was a German Shepherd and I suppose you always expect their legs or hips to go eventually.A few months before he died, one of Maxs rear legs went, but thankfully after a week or so, everything seemed to be back to normal and he could walk properly again. Then the week before he died he got up to answer a knock at the door,(as he always did) and slipped and didnt want to get up again. The next day I finally got him to go out into the garden (he has always been such a good boy, never messed in the house, even as a puppy) and he wouldnt come back in again, just wanted to go into the summerhouse. We spent the next 4 days and nights in there, he managed to get up once and literally dragged himself up to the top of the garden where he always did his jobs on the gravel-with me trying to make him just go on the grass for once, bless him. Getting him back down to the grass was a lengthier matter and we finally got him back to the summerhouse, and he never got up again. I was hoping against hope that it would be like before and he would get up again, but this time both back legs had gone. On the morning of 22nd September he began to cry and then howl. I rang a vet and realised that I would have to have him put down. But he passed away more peacefully than I could have expected before the vets arrived.(They were 5 minutes away and I am glad he died when he wanted to) He is buried in a favourite spot on the lawn along with his favourite toys and some custard creams, the only thing he would eat in his last couple of days.
Farewell my dear old boy, I miss you x

Eternal June	07:39
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Well I wrote a post five years ago, I wonder what it would be like to live in world where it was always June. To be in the garden in an eternal June with my mum. Now add dad to that, larger summerhouse than before, the same roses, some new plants, and of course a new face, my grandson Dallas age 3 who is the love of my life. Happiness definitely is eternal June if mum and dad could be there also :)

new summerhouse with lots of my old furniture tarted up with a bit of paint.Mum and dads fireplace with mums Hercules and vases on top

Max almost 11 years old now

old garden furniture covered with some calico slipcovers i ran up

My son Damons old tub chair, covered in some duck egg faux suede and my daughter Kates old sofa bed covered in same, with mum and dads old bureau painted, you guessed my favourite colour, duck egg

an old cupboard i bought many years ago, painted and wallpapered with memories of my children, parents and grandparents on

Princess Victoria Louise Oriental poppy

one of my own orientals

Madame Gregoire Stachelin climbing rose, hanging her beautiful head

my old wicker bench bought for £25 about 30 years ago from B & Q, with one of my favourite materials Fairford by Jane Churchill -lovely Fair Rosamund, Rosa mundi roses on a duck egg background

Constance Spry peeking through a golden hop

Hesperis and valerian

Fremontedendrom shrub and Rose Despres au Fleur Jaune

Constance spry again

Emily Gray

Despres au Fleur Jaune again

Fantan Latour

a view from my potager looking down towards house and summerhouse

my favourite bench

A new beginning?	07:25
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I always intended this blog to be more of a garden diary, to show how my green fingers I seem to have inherited from my mother and grandfather are getting greener. But sadly the last few years my dearest dad developed dementia and I had no time for anything but him. I hasten to add I would have had it no other way. I seem to have spent all my growing up years looking after family and not spending much time on myself. Now I have the time, sadly I find myself not wanting to do anything. Dad passed away on 22nd November, we buried him 16th December, and the rest of that month was spent clearing out the two lifetimes of my parents. As anyone who has cared for a relative 24/7 will know, their death leaves a gaping hole, and part of me feels guilty for wanting to do anything that I haven't been able to enjoy for years. A couple of days after dad passed away I had to sign on at the Job Centre at the age of 60 (thanks government for raising my pensionable age to 67 and a half!) I have applied for jobs but no-one seems to want me-not sure if I am happy or sad at that!
My dear dad, William Henry Golding, as he would introduce himself to one and all, had a very happy and healthy life until a couple of months before his death, and so my New Year resolution is to try and live the rest of what I have left being as happy as my dad and spend it doing what I like best, gardening and being with my family. And to try my hardest to become a little selfish (it will be difficult) and indulge myself for a change.

Reunited with mum now :)

Friends	00:33
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My oldest friend I am still in touch with is Sue McGookin nee Orsler-we met at our all girl school in the late 60's and have remained friends over the years. Sue recently lost her dear mother Eileen, who was like a second mum to me during my teenage years, and often Sue's mum and dad Bill, got us out of many a scrape...like the night we we in police cells at Bow Street (unlocked and for our own safety I hasten to add!) We had missed our last train from Charing Cross and met a nice 'bobby' in Trafalgar Square who took us back to Bow Street until Eileen and Bill could pick us up. The night, or early hours as it was then, got even more hilarious as on our way home in Bills mini van, with me and Sue in the back, we got stopped by police who were on the look out for a Bonnie and Clyde couple who had been on a robbing spree! I dont think Eileen and Bill were very impressed with us that night.....
Sue has always been an artist and is currently painting dog portraits, a genre in which she is incredibly talented. Sue painted my German Shepherd Max(from a photo taken by my son- in -law Luke posted before on this blog)- Max's portrait now hangs proudly on my sitting room wall, and dear Eileen wouldnt let me pay for Sue's expenses and paid for it herself. Thank you dear Eileen, I will never forget you xxx

I have found another talented dog artist, non other than Kim Sears, Andy Murray's girlfriend.(Everyone knows that Andy is my favourite tennis player, so I wont go on about Wimbledon here!) Her blog, http://kimsears.com/wp/ shows some of her amazing work. I would love a portrait of my dear departed Stimpy, but dont think my meagre income would amount to a Kim Sears work, or even my dear Sue McGookin alas!

rather late.....	00:12
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I found this post as a draft and obviously forgot to post it..... wasnt this april birthday, must have been last april, as Damon will be 40 on Saturday.

I just found this on my laptop which i obviously had meant to post on my birthday, 6th April, and for some reason I didnt (If I remember rightly I spent hours looking through old photos and records)
Last week was my birthday and I spent a pretty nice day with my son Damon, in the garden and at home, nothing special, but all the same a lovely day. We got around to talking about when I die, what would he like from the home, and he said the antique gramophone (I have two, one a family piece and another left to me by a neighbour) Damon amused me by saying he could use both for some retro dj scratching and conversation then got around to records. I decided to clear said gramophone out to get Damon some old records out and then discovered some lovely pics of my boy when he was young (now almost 39) and then found my favourite photo of me aged almost 16, taken 3 weeks before my birthday on Euston tube station by my friend Sue (we had obviously been to some gig or the other) I thought I had lost the photo a few years back and was very pleased to find it on my birthday, my day brightened up :)

Missing Stimpy	00:02
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Been rather sad these last few weeks, as my ginger tom Stimpy passed away. He had never been ill until January when when developed fluid on his lungs and was never really the same again. He died on June the 4th and was almost 18 years old, so he had a good life. He loved everybody and everybody loved him-he was the most affectionate of my cats and never failed to win strangers hearts. I buried him under my hammock so I can sit with him- it was one of the last places he laid in the garden to shelter from the sun. Miss you my dear little fella xxx